Six months in, and novelty is turning into reality. Some reflections as we head into the home stretch:
It’s real. The pure novelty of creating life is transforming with each week into a new kind of wonder. What began as two little embryos on a screen morphed into tiny alien-like creatures, only to keep changing week on week until, now, they are quite clearly small humans readying themselves for the world. This transition has had a surprising impact on me, as well: What was an indefinable sense of surreal wonder is solidifying into a grounded, yet equally wondrous, realism. There are two children inside me, moving, pushing, kicking, their movements now visible as my skin moves and bulges. And I do so look forward to meeting them.
It’s beautiful. I’m actually a little sad, in some ways, that this will be the only time in my life that I’ll be pregnant. The changes to my body have been intense, and will only get more so, but I find it all quite beautiful and amazing. Even as it becomes harder to bend down, more tiring to climb stairs, and all the rest, it’s awesome in the literal sense of the word. And to think, of all the things in the world we humans can do, this is the most primal and fundamental of them all. Glorious.
It’s making absolute schmooey puddles out of my husband and I. Morning starts with a belly rub and a “hello nubbins”. Bedtime brings the nightly nubbin’-rubbin’ as my husband gently smoothes moisturizer into the acreage that is my abdomen. We talk to them and sing to them at random moments, tap in response when they’re getting active, and are terribly in love with each other and these new lives forming in our midst. T. says he’s never seen me more beautiful. And he says that at the end of the day, when I’m exhausted, drained and dragging myself up to bed. We must remember these moments, for they are the soul of what we are creating now.
It’s hilarious. I’m laughing so much lately, it’s probably going to be the only way the wee ones know my voice! What’s so funny? Mostly my comedic proportions, and the ridiculous small things that come with the territory. Have to buy new boots because you can no longer deal with laces? Too funny! Sneaking back into the kitchen after consuming a sizeable meal and dessert? Stifle those giggles while you do! Went to the store and forgot to buy the one thing I went there for? Damn, we should be a sitcom! I don’t know if it’s the hormones or what, but whatever is pumping through my body right now is good stuff!
It’s lonely. This probably has more to do with working from home, to be honest, and the fact that this lingering winter has me hiding away inside the house most of the time. I miss my friends, miss my family, and just wish I had people popping around for cups of tea. I also wish I owned a small Caribbean island. Oh well. Some things you just can’t help.
It’s fleeting. Oh, for the glory days of months 4 and 5, when I had a bump but could get around without much hassle. This is such a crazy fast process! Something tells me it’ll be over before we know it. Which is a problem, because we have a heckload of work to do before they arrive! Nothing like a pressing deadline to remind you that you’re alive, though…. 😉
I’m happy. Simply, easily, cheerily happy. How do I bottle these hormones for later???