A sharps container does not a junkie make

I have a bright yellow sharps container in my office closet. It sits innocuously between a bottle of eco-friendly garden soap and the spare toilet rolls and is half full of used needles. Seeing as I’ve now added a second injection into my daily mix, the rest of the container is likely to fill up fast.

So, how does one deal with possessing a lurid yellow beacon that advertises a propensity for pricks? Here’s how I’m doing it:

• Put it where no-one will find it. By placing mine in the same cupboard as the toilet paper, spare tissues and the iron, I am all but guaranteed that my teenaged stepsons will never find it. (They know about Project Pretzel, but we’re sparing them the glaring reality of it.)
• Inform overnight guests that the designated daily shoot-up time is 10:30am. Should they wish to join you, they have to provide their own vice.
• Store it in a cupboard well away from the front door, but live in a mild state of anxiety that your neighbour will just happen to glance through the office window  as you’re reaching for the sharps shelf.

As for the drugs themselves, don’t worry. The Lupron is stored in a box in the fridge which, as it resembles neither a case of beer nor a cheese-flavoured snack, will be ignored by everyone else.

The new flavour in the rotation – the deliciously named girlie-bit stimulant Gonal-F – doesn’t need refrigeration, so I just leave it on my desk. I figure anyone who stumbles on the words “Follitropin alpha for injection, rDNA origin” is going to step back quickly, pretend they never read anything, and then forever treat me really nicely on the off chance that I could be turning myself into a female version of the Hulk.

Which might yet happen. Let’s wait and see.

Pinch. Inject. Hold. Withdraw.


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